I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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