Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
