we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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