walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
