we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize