Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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