Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
