U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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