You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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