I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
