haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
