I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
