by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
