my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
