Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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