my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
