I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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