you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
