I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
