I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
