What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
