I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
