dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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