You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
