That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
