i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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