Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize