Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
