I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize