So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
