i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
