my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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