I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
