we have officially lost it.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
