Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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