no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
