okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
