I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
