he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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