Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
