ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
