you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
