Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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