im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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