Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
