On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
