the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
