I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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