mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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