Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
