I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
