Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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