How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
