dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're too hungover to prance.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
