I haven't been this sober since birth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I want a musical about memes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
