i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
