He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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