just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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