I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
