just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
