if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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