Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
FUCK WHALES
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