I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
