Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I didn't notice because vodka
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
