His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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