I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize