I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
