I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
